light_mischief | [come sail away] ic inbox (season 1)

it's either flip flops and i dont think maximilien would be able to respect me ever again
or i have some heels from some of the formal dresses that i suck at walking in
but not sure which ones look good enough for hypothetically breaking my ankle

good. it was fun. he said we should play again sometime.

You could go barefoot. That's extremely in vogue for people who don't own a lot of shoes.

I told you he liked you. But... "Play again?"

i dont like wearing shoes inside

you did. did he actually say that or
... guess i dont really know how others experiences with him differ
to compare
ah we played some games :) he shot me because i came to arrest him and then charades was a bust but we did truth or dare which was actually just dare dare.

See! Problem solved.

He didn't say it, but I could tell. From what I've heard, most other people go up to the bridge to pick fights. Meaningful attempts at conversation are a rarity. He doesn't help by being a bit of an ass to everyone, but he's hardly the worst offender on the ship.

I don't know what half of that means... but I suppose so long as you two had fun it doesn't really matter?
(What does "shot you" mean?)

(And what dares???)

problem solved.

your own bias is probably influencing your interpretation on the matter
but yes, we talked. and he wasn't an ass.

finger guns. you know. like pew pew pew. it was very dramatic. but i couldnt let the cops win.

ah. well. you already witnessed mine, the kiss at my party.
because he knew HOW EMBARRASSING ajafhfhggggghn
(but i deserved it so)
and i don't want to spoil the surprise!
if he goes through with it... but i hope he does.

My bias is equally split on the matter, which makes me the pinnacle of neutrality, thank you very much. But fine, don't believe me. He'll admit to it eventually.

I was going to say I can't imagine that, but I actually can. Good for you, electing to dismantle authoritarian law enforcement.

He dared you to kiss Peter in public? Hmm.
Well, so long as he wasn't copying your own dare...

but what if it's in a "your suffering is a great source of energy" way
thats a sad way to be liked
anyway i asked about there being nothing and why
it's because he doesnt believe in anything after death so there isn't anything
and he cant just change what he believes in
nor does he care to think much about those that dont serve any use to him
still thats workable right?

it's how i make up for the fact i once served an unfortunate role in such

yes. he really knows how to just zero right in on ya, huh.
no no it actually has nothing to do with you. but it should be fun.
i told him no murder.

It isn't. I mean, yes, obviously, he probably enjoys your suffering the same way he enjoys all of our suffering. But I'm talking about emotions beyond that baseline. He likes you, he dislikes Darcy, and he's absolutely besotted with me. It's pretty obvious when you know what you're looking for.

Hmm. Yes, that's very workable. Although it's unlikely we'll be able to convince him of a better afterlife... Proving that people have worth beyond what he values in them is a good goal. Slightly more feasible to achieve, at any rate.

Oh, good. Honestly... If I can be frank for a moment: everybody here is already more than capable of murder on their own terms, and he's much funnier when death is taken off the table.

those are two very extreme examples you used as comparison
i wasnt awful to him the way darcy was and he blushes a lot when you come up.
but we both grew up in captivity so we at least have something in common
other than fondness for you.
we talked about it a bit though. growing up. puzzles and games.

oh. you don't think so? because i worry if he's creating a lot of pressurized negative energy. with the ghosts. something caused them to be able to break out so we know there's weak points and limits that can be further exploited. if it's weakening, the container is going to break eventually. he needs to better stabilize the system. not just for their sake but his own.

im not always the biggest fan of people either. no idea how to demonstrate their intrinsic worth. i learned that from my own exploitation. i guess he did not.

he is funny. :) that's the first thing i ever told him.

💀🙄
In case you didn't know what kind of gesture I immediately made upon reading that. I suppose your suspicion is understandable, given the very real danger he puts us in on a daily basis, but I stand by my heavily biased opinion.

That is an extremely valid concern, and one that I haven't been giving as much consideration as I should. I only mean that convincing someone to change instrinsic beliefs like the afterlife is usually more struggle than it's worth. It may be wiser to try changing his attitude towards people; if we do that, there's a chance he may organically desire a more compassionate afterlife for them. At least one where they aren't able to recall what they experienced.

I think the first thing I ever told him was something along the lines of "glad to be here." Of course, I thought the alternative was the Faceless Ones, so...

i can hear that expression from here
your intrinsic bias is still a perspective i respect
but if he doesnt value people then not sure what... being liked even means here. finds entertaining?
it's difficult to comfortably accept it's a compliment and not...
he wants us to be worse, right. maybe that's what he likes. knowing that when i eventually break, i'm awful.
maybe he finds it amusing how i'm trying to lie to myself that i could be anything else
maybe he likes me because he knows how i dont just hurt myself but everyone in my proximity
:( im just not sure it's a good thing.
but i like talking with him. he's interesting.
i try encouraging other people to do so, but they all have excuses.

yeah we all know it's my sacred duty to worry about things nobody else does.

he still doesnt like me thanking him, or believing in him. but... i try to point out the positives, how im enjoying my time and this place. because i'm sure he's used to hearing and thinking the negatives.

Or, maybe it's your kindness to him, you treating him like a person and not the enemy, that gives you value to him. I don't think I can convince you, but keep those concerns in mind the next time you talk to him. See if they hold true. You might even be inclined to ask him about it. I'd be interested in hearing how that conversation goes, if it does.

You see things other people fail to notice. Whether or not they pan out into larger issues is immaterial; your perception is a benefit to us all.

He doesn't know how to respond to gratitude. Literally, I had to explain it to him. Even then I don't think I did a very good job. I think he's uncomfortable when people acknowledge the good things he does. He knows the script when it comes to responding to violence, threats, insults... but he has no idea how to accept a simple thank you. He needs to learn practically every positive emotion from scratch. That includes friendship, too. In case my point wasn't clear by now...

cant be that we've only talked a couple times
but this is the first he's invited me back...
should have gone back sooner
so maybe youre right, you do know him better
i dont like allowing myself to get my hopes up
but if i ask and you were wrong. you owe me a piece of cake from the cafe.

:) peter appreciates my overactive paranoia too.

all he remembers from his life is loss and pain and anger. and that's what he puts people through here too, pushing them to their limits. the same desperation to get free. maybe he's looking for that flash of power, that allowed him to break his bonds in the first place. from one of us.

If I'm wrong, I will bring you the entire cafe's dessert display to your door every morning for the rest of our time on the ship.

He certainly does seem to appreciate you. You'll tell me if that ever changes, won't you?

I think you may be right. I wonder if his hope was (is?) for a passenger to generate the emotional power needed. I assume, given the state of things, that it would likely not end well. Could it be from all of us? Would that help? Hm. Lots to think about.

Admittedly, I haven't asked him what we're going to do next. The experiment cannot continue as it is, even if he wants it to.

wow i almost hope youre wrong with an offer like that

youre really just bitter you never got your chance to skullbash malcolm huh
do you like peter better? by the way

haha is that why there are so many teenagers

no i dont think it's sustainable. but. whatever possible future there might be. i hope we get to stay together. i know you two will... go off to conquer the cosmos or something neat. but dont forget about me.

If I'm right, I might still do it. But only once, and only so I can say "I told you so" to your face, when you're too tired to react.

I'm still waiting for the day he reappears. It'll be short and sweet. And yes, I prefer Peter over Malcolm. Malcolm was fine, of course, but Peter has a smoldering intensity I personally prefer.

I absolutely hate how much sense that makes. ...Clarke would make a great source of that energy, now that I think about it.

I'm not much for conquest. I don't know what the future holds, but I'll do everything in my power to ensure you have the best possible life.

see how you are, taking advantage of morning being my weakest time of day

is it anyone's fault if theyre too weak to survive here?
'smoldering intensity' hehe
malcolm was the first time i ever felt wanted
he was kind and patient and able to view me as more than my past
we never even really argued. but i'm not so sure how much he got me.
but with peter it's already so different. he sees right through me, my tricks, knows all the same types of maneuvers.
and we have argued and i think i respect him more for it.
not sure how to feel about any of that?

oh she's definitely going to explode.

hah, fair, 'something neat' then. don't know how long of one i'll ever have, but it's already far better than i ever dared expect.

No. It says nothing about a person if they fail to survive. It's something that will happen to all of us eventually, unless we take steps to end the system that consumes our energy.

I would never trust a relationship totally free of arguments, just the same as I would never trust one comprised only by them. The fact that you can respect him both during and after one is a good thing, in my opinion.

No matter how long or short our time is after this is all over, it's already been an immense pleasure. I've begun to pity myself living life back home. He has no idea what he's missing out on.

but i wonder if it was for the best, since he wasnt all that happy
and me wanting him to stay was selfish when i know he wanted out
is there really a way to stop the cycle without... ending all this, though?
every system relies on energy, something cant come from nothing

he and maximilien dont get along
ive made it clear that i dont intend to interfere in that, the rivalry is rather cute
as long as they dont expect me to take sides

i am always curious what future it is i managed to avoid
but i dont think i want months worth of memories shoved into my mind all at once...
how are you handling that, have things settled

I don't know. I suppose we'll have to find out through painstaking trial and error.

Maximilien not getting along with somebody? Color me shocked. 💀
He's too much of a James Bond villain for Peter, and Peter is more of the brash, self-possessed hero type that Maximilien hates. He only tolerates it with me because I tricked him into becoming my friend before revealing my nature.

They've settled into place, to the point where I sometimes forget they weren't always there. It's odd. I used to think that it made me less myself and more another me. That's silly, though. It's only made me more myself than I previously was.

...It is, however, impossible to talk about without sounding crazy.

you know you can talk to me about anything
especially the crazy

I know, and I know that I can trust you to keep anything I tell you a secret. Of course, I'm still not going to share all the tawdry details of my love life... Just my borderline madness.

it's fine i have my own source of filthy thoughts now
:) but madness is always best shared with friends
you had to suffer my kizzy theory so it's only fair

It was suspicious timing. I don't really blame you.

Did you hear about Stede, by the way? And how it's now "Captain Hands?"

i have. he insists the disappearance wasnt his doing. speaking of suspicious timing. but that the captain did make him an offer, for the contract.

[come sail away] ic inbox (season 1)

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